"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize