doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize