i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
there is glitter all over my balls
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
