i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My dick has a subreddit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
