Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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