Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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