I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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