On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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