Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
