True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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