fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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