Kiss
Puke
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
