You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
