Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
