My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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