He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
