Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
