i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
