So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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