Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
