You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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