Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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