Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
