bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
