I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
