Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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