We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
