is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
