Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
