so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
