i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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