shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize