JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
