Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
