Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
