I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
