K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
