All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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