It's Friday. Sex?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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