the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize