maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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