Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
