I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
