brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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