I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
