I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
