Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.

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(940): View more from Texas

Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

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(410): View more from Maryland

I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm

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(443): View more from Maryland

she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.

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(352): View more from Florida

You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.

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(206): View more from Washington

Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.

(425): View more from Washington

I've never been so happy to be celibate.

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