He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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