I faked an abortion last night.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
