you lied. pity sex is amazing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
