oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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