At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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