He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
