I just made out with a guy for $7.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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