lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
