the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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