too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
