Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize