Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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