he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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