he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
