no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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