Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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