I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
