all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
