Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
