A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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