he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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