We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
