When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
